The Weight of an Ocean
by riddlefiddleai
Summary: Human AU. After a traumatic event, 17-year-old Lapis Lazuli was taken in by the Crystal Gems. There she meets computer/game nerd, Peridot and maybe, just maybe she'll learn to live again. This is a simple story of two people meeting and falling in love. Contains mature themes, warnings listed inside.
1. Chains and Memories

**Trigger warning: Contains mature themes, mentions of rape and self-harm. You have been warned. **

**Prologue**

It was cold and it was dark. Two things that she hated joined together in a twisted way to taunt her. Everything ached her chest, her feet, her eyes, her cheeks, and her wrist...especially her wrists. She tried to blink, tried to open her eyes but had no strength. How long had she been here, trapped like an animal shackled in chains.

Chains… she distinctly remembered the sound of metal hitting the cold hard concrete floor. Using the last of her energy she forced her bruised eyelids opened and let out a small sob. It hurt, just moving hurt, everything hurt.

Long metal chains hung from her wrists, a rope tied tightly around her ankles and neck. It was rough, rubbing against her raw skin and it hurt. How did she end up here? How did it come to this? Lapis knew the answer but she could not face it. She could not face what she had done to herself, cause if she did she knows that it'll be over.

She'll be over.

"Please," she whispered, her voice sounding unfamiliar to her, hoarse and rough like it hadn't been used in years. Tears she never knew she had involuntarily rolled down her cheeks. They were warm than cold and they spilled onto the floor. "Please," she whispered again as she heard the doors to the room creaked open. The sound stabbing her frantically beating heart. The sound too loud in her ears, hurting her and she felt like she was choking. She was drowning, she could not breathe.

She heard the footsteps, heavy and dragging on the floor. She felt the hands, unforgiving and hot, like knives piercing her. She shut her eyes. She will not see it, she could not see it. The pain started as it always did, routinely, forcing her open making her feel and oh how she did not want to feel.

"Please…" she whimpered as the pain continued, crushing her from within. "Please kill me."

**Chapter 1**

**Chains and Memories**

There was something calming about seeing the waves crashing onto the sand. It was a repetitive motion, curling in and out, dragging and pulling the little tiny crystals of sand with it into the expanse of deep blue. Florida was warm out but Lapis felt cold. Cold enough to be wearing a black hoodie in the 30 degrees night heat.

She sat by the beach beneath an overlooking palm tree. Her gaze unfocused, her thoughts racing. Lapis knew she shouldn't be here, she knew he'd come looking for her. It's been a month since the rescue or how he called it but Lapis still felt trapped and when the tiny enclosed space of the room her foster family had provided for her felt too small she found herself out here staring into the ocean.

Overwhelming, everything felt ready to consume her. She wasn't sure she was ready to face whatever that was coming. Taking a deep breath she settled into her usual sitting position, her chin resting on her knees that she hugged tightly to her chest. Her bluish-black hair settling over her eyes. She needed a haircut.

"You ok Lapis?" a voice called out and a small smile flitted to her lips.

Somehow she found her voice and she replied, "Yes, Steven," she whispered, her voice soft. The boy of 13 years joined her. A warm smile adorned his face and he was wearing his usual red shirt. His eyes twinkled and he plopped himself beside her.

Despite knowing Steven for only a month, Lapis enjoyed his company. He did not ask too many questions, he knew when to listen and when to speak. He was warm in a way that Lapis had not experienced before and he seems to genuinely care. He was close and although they had hugged many times before, he knew not to touch her at this moment.

"Pearl told us to come back for dinner," he said, "We're having pork chops tonight, you know your favorite!"

"Pfft, those are your favorite Steven," Lapis chuckled at the young boy who was drooling from the lips.

"I never noticed."

"Steven, how is that even possible?"

"Well, I love a lot of things, I can't remember that many!"

"Really Steven," Lapis chided and the boy smiled, his chubby fingers wrapping itself around her and she sighed, looking away from him. The cold in her hands slowly drifting away.

"You ready to come in, Lapis? They're worried about you."

Lapis was silent for a while, she knew she had to go back soon. She knew she had to face them. She had screwed up earlier, shouting at Steven, pushing Pearl away, making Garnet frown and hitting Amethyst. It still amazed her that despite what she had done, they still accepted her.

Lapis knew she was ugly, she was a horrible person and yet…

"Lapis?"

"Yeah."

"Let's go."

He pulled her up and she had no choice. "We love you Lapis," Steven said as he dragged her. Her steps were heavy and uncertain. She flinched at his words but forced a smile when he glanced at her. "Don't forget that."

His smile made her want to run. She was going to hurt them. She was going to make them suffer...she could not...and yet…

He felt warm and so she stayed.

* * *

Amethyst had told her that there was going to be a new kid in school before throwing her gamepad over her blonde scruffy hair. "Hey watch it!" she snapped, catching it in time and was shocked to see a new save loaded over her old one.

"Amethyst!" Peridot yelled, "How many times have I told you not to save over my game!"

"Sheeze, cool it will you, it's not that bad."

"Are you fucking kidding me!? It took me 30 hours to grind that master sword and you just Urgh I can't...I'm going to kill you!"

Amethyst laughed and scrambled up the tree located right in the middle of the school courtyard. She was one of the few kids who were still able to do so and that infuriated Peridot even more. "Come down here you asshole-"

"Ah, ah, offensive Peri~"

"Get down here! Get down here you CLOD!"

"Get up here then~"

Peridot paused, seething at the girl seated on the tree. She was a little bit chubby, her dyed long purple hair swinging playfully, her brown skin filled with freckles. "Oh wait you can't...shorty!"

"OH NOW, YOU'VE DONE IT!" Peridot screamed and she tried but failed to climb her way up the tree, halfway through her scrabbling she tripped and as she was about to fall face flat on the ground someone caught her.

"Ugh…"

"Nice catch Lappy~" she heard Amethyst say as the girl swung herself down from the tree. Lappy? Who was this Lappy...for a second Peridot was confused. She looked up and found herself staring at emotionless blue eyes. They were so blue it was astonishing. She yelped and struggled out of the stranger's grip.

The blue eyes belonged to a girl. She was wearing a black hoodie and jeans. Her black-bluish hair was short and messy. She was tall but also quite thin...too thin. Pale skin peeked through her long sleeves. Peridot felt her mouth dry up and a hot blush settling on her face. The girl...was kind of pretty...scratch that she was super pretty... and she had seen Peridot in such an embarrassing state.

"Amethyst," the girl spoke, her voice soft and kind of sad. "Pearl made you lunch."

"Sweet! Thanks, Lappy."

The girl handed the purple-haired a box and proceeded to wince as Amethyst gave her a tight hug. "Knew you could make it Lappy...school is fun you know."

"Fun?"

"Yes, fun."

"Hmm...if you say so."

There was an awkward silence. Peridot was amused she had never seen Amethyst in a loss for words.

Deciding that her friend needed a little help Peridot approached the girl carefully extending her hand.

"Thanks for the save, my name is Peridot, nice to meet you."

The girl stared at her outreach hands for a moment and Peridot was surprised to see the confusion on her face. Wait, didn't she know what a handshake was?

Beside her, Amethyst gave a nervous laugh. "Lapis it's ok, it's just a greeting."

A faint blush appeared on the girl's cheeks and Peridot felt her face turning warm. "I...I know that." The girl mumbled before turning to look at Peridot. Her blue eyes boring into Peridot's green ones. Peridot gulped. Why was she so intimidated?

"Lapis," the girl answered, "Lapis Lazuli, nice to meet you...I guess."

The girl did not extend her hand and Peridot was left standing there. Sensing Peridot's confusion and embarrassment, Amethyst interjected rushing forward and taking a hold of Lapis's arms.

"Come on Lappy let's get you to the staff room, you still need to register for the test."

"Don't touch me." The girl snapped pulling her arm away, rubbing it. "I already went...they said to come back next week."

"Wow...you passed? Your pretty smart Lapis."

Lapis frowned and Amethyst chuckled. Peridot watched as the girl started to saunter away and Amethyst cast an apologetic look in Peridot's direction. The purple head took the lunch box and placed it on the table that they had been sitting on. "That's her...the foster Greg took in, she's the new kid."

Peridot glanced at the retreating figure. "She's unfriendly," Peridot muttered and Amethyst shrugged. "You were too nerd," she replied.

"Shut up, Amethyst."

"Two years ago you were going through a phase, all dark and gloomy, even painted your nails black...oh yeah what were the words you used...you were some master of evil?"

Peridot turned red and she launched herself at Amethyst all thoughts of the girl gone. Amethyst laughed easily dodging and the two friends continued their tirade.

Later in class, Peridot would remember the girl. She would think about those blue eyes and she would wonder…

Why did they look so sad?

* * *

"Lapis, you ready to talk?" The woman asked. They were seated in a cozy little office. There was an old german clock hanging from the wall. A few hanging plants hung from the ceiling. Pothos, the woman named Vidalia told her when she caught Lapis staring at them. An oak wood bookshelf stood behind the woman's desk which was filled with different memorabilia from different countries.

A recreated painting of Monet's famous impressionist fish pond hung from the wall. Vidalia was a woman in her mid-fifties. She was very pale and had blonde hair that was gelled upwards in an odd triangular was dressed in casual attire, blue flowery blouse, and light pink pants. She was unlike the two counselors Lapis had met before. Both had been forceful and Lapis had lashed out.

Soft classical music played in the background of the office as Vidalia smiled at her. The woman did not rush and she spent the next half hour talking about herself and her travels around the world. Lapis learned that the woman adored cats had a son named Onion and was divorced from an abusive husband whom she had long forgotten. Lapis had been tensed at first but the atmosphere coupled with Vidalia's easygoing attitude made it easier. Soon her eyes wandered the room and she began to relax into the chair which smells faintly of lavender.

"What do you want me to say?" Lapis asked softly, looking at the woman carefully. Vidalia smiled gently, "How about we start with how are you feeling?"

Lapis paused. She didn't know how to answer that. She felt lost, trapped in an unfamiliar place. She was exhausted most of the time and the world had taken on a dull colorless hue. Most days she was sleeping in the bed, others she spent with a knife to silence the voices in her head.

"I'm fine," Lapis answered, clasping her arm tightly, her shoulders slumped.

"We both know that's not the truth," Vidalia said, giving Lapis a wry smile. "People who come here are never fine."

Lapis sighed turning away not wanting to face the woman in front of her. This felt like a waste of time. She was never going to let Garnet talk her into doing this ever again.

"Look this is getting nowhere," Lapis snapped, suddenly annoyed with the fact that she was even here. "So can we just end it and get on with our lives."

Vidalia was silent as Lapis ranted. The words spilling out of her lips like tap water. "I told them that this was a waste of time. I don't need to talk. I can deal with whatever this is. I. Am. Fine."

"And how have you been dealing with it, Lapis?" The woman whispered gently and the words died in her throat. She found the woman staring at the long sleeves that covered her arms and she hid them under the table.

"I'm fine," Lapis snapped and the woman nodded as the girl stood up, sauntering towards the door.

"See you next time," Vidalia said and Lapis slammed the door shut. The woman had hit a nerve and fresh memories ran through her mind. She felt panic all of a sudden and flinched when a hand grabs her shoulder. She shrunk back and found herself gazing at Garnet, a sad smile on the woman's face.

"You ok?"

Lapis was sick of that question. She was fine. How many times must she repeat herself? How many times were they going to force that answer out of her?

"I'm fine," her voice cold and Garnet glanced at her carefully before nodding.

"Ok let's go home."

Home...Lapis almost winced. No matter how many times her foster family said it, it still felt foreign and dangerous. Lapis did not belong, she knew what she was.

There was no home for somebody like her.

* * *

Steven liked to sing as Lapis would later discover. Like his dad, Greg, he played the guitar. It amused her to see him play, he was short and the guitar was almost the same height. Despite all this, he could play quite well and was prone to breaking out in song.

He composed and he sang. He hummed when he was happy, strummed the guitar mindlessly when he was sad. His expressions were open and he shared his emotions freely. Steven was like an open book and Lapis envied him.

Today was no different. They were sat by a makeshift campfire on their usual beach spot. Marshmallows nestled on sticks next to the fire. Both Greg and Steven were singing an old camp song. Greg strumming his ukulele and Steven his guitar. Lapis sat opposite them feeling the warmth of the fire, in her usual position, chin resting on her knees. Her eyes dropped as the fire crackled, the flames and sparks dancing in the night sky. Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst were near the shore playing with sparklers.

A family outing they had called this. A time to spend together to get to know one another. Lapis could not understand such traditions. The thought of spending time with anybody to get to know them was foreign to her. She was adamant at first not wanting to take part but then Amethyst dragged her. Pearl forced her into the van and off they went, driving a few miles from their beach home.

There they stayed for the majority of the afternoon. Greg catching fish, passing a rod to Lapis; who soon gave up, bored of the idea of waiting for a bite. Instead, she sat next to Pearl who was reading a book. The latter passed her one and Lapis took it. "Oliver Twist," Pearl recommended, "I find it quite appealing, Charles Dickens had a unique way of writing about social ills during his time."

Along the way Lapis had tuned the woman out, choosing instead to watch Steven, Amethyst, and Garnet engaging in a game of beach volleyball. They had invited her earlier but Lapis had turned them down. She was tired and the idea of chasing after a ball seemed like a chore.

Instead, she stayed next to Pearl reading the rather draggy book, not entirely focusing on it. And try as she might, she could not. The words seem jumbled up, a thick mess clouding her mind. The fog or brain fog as her therapist called it was always there, lingering. Medicine did help but only for a bit. Xanax and Lexapro, two times a day, more if it got too much.

She had been ashamed at first, ashamed that she would even need help from these things to function properly but Greg told her with an uncanny maturity she never thought he possessed that the medicines did help and it wasn't something to be embarrassed about. After which he had smiled and ruffled her hair, pulling out a familiar pill from his pocket and chucking it into his mouth.

"Even I need a little help, sometimes."

"Dad takes it, after mom's death he has been really sad," Steven explained when Lapis asked.

Rose Quartz, Steven's mom died when he was just a baby. A difficult delivery, they said. She had been an activist constantly campaigning for the rights of runaways and foster kids. Together Greg an aspiring musician, Pearl a newly minted librarian and she formed the crystal gems, a home for runaways and kids in crisis. Garnet was their first foster and the rest was history.

The day of the beach ended with melted marshmallows and the warmth of the dying embers. They packed, sand over burnt wood, mats were thrown haphazardly in the back of the van. Lapis dusted her jeans that were filled with sand. Steven laughing at Amethyst very weird tan. Garnet ushering them into the van while carrying the icebox and Pearl bossy voice telling them to hurry up as she started the engine.

Despite not wanting to come Lapis was surprised to find that she had enjoyed herself. The feeling in itself was so overwhelming that it made her heart pound harder.

Was this what it felt like? To have a family? She felt like an outsider looking in. As she sat at the back of the van listening to the antics of her new group, her eyes drooped and soon she was asleep.

Fleeting shadows crept around her. Lapis was back in that basement. Her mouth was dry and everything hurt. How long had she been here? She could not tell. Sudden pain greeted her as a boot landed on her chest. She felt something give and the burning pain as she coughed out blood. "I told you to suck!" The offensive object was thrust into her face. The man above, his hands wrapped tightly around her neck as he forced himself onto her.

"Do it!"

He thrust and the pain was bright making her gasp and she gagged and vomited. The taste was vile and she screamed willing for it to stop. She begged, she cried. The shadows never receding. His face appearing and disappearing into the darkness of the basement. The stench, the stench of her lingering. She had brought them here. She had thought that doing so would bring her freedom. But not like this...not like…

"Monster," a deep voice shouted from within the darkness and a hand reached for her in the darkness. Bright orange hair burst into view, eyes bright red with anger. "MONSTER!"

"No!" Lapis shouted, an intense pain hit her and she sat up fast. Where was she? Was she still in the van...no...she was in her room. The room contorting into something else...a basement and she gasps. She was panting hard, her skin soaked in sweat. Surrounding her was Pearl and Garnet, worry etched on their faces. She sat on her bed, the sheets curled around her like snakes. She felt faint, her breath coming out erratically. She could not breathe, her vision blurred as tears spilled from her eyes. "No," she moaned hands clutching her chest as she struggled to draw in air.

"It's going to be ok Lapis," Garnet's deep calm voice whispered into her ears. The bigger woman was clutching her rubbing soothing circular motions across her back.

"This is bad, this is very bad...she's not getting any better...we got to do something, at this rate she's going to…" Lapis heard Pearl whispering feverishly. The pink-haired woman was gripping on hard to her wrist and Lapis made a mistake of looking down. Her wrist...her right wrist was burning and them she smelt it…

Blood.

Then she remembered. The nightmare, the pain, the sound of glass smashing on the ground, the feeling of blue broken shards repeatedly slashing skin. The panic rushing in, the darkness swirling around her.

A soft moan escaped her lips. She clenched her hands into fists. "Sorry," she whispered through clenched teeth, "I'm sorry, I…"

"No, no Lapis you have nothing to be sorry for," Pearl realizing her rant must have made Lapis guilty. "It's my fault I shouldn't have left the vase in here...but how was I supposed to know you'll break it! They never told me about this!" She was frantic pacing the room and Garnet interjected.

"Pearl," the woman spoke sternly, "Calm down, we need to get her to the hospital."

"Oh! Oh yes!"

With that, the pink-haired woman rushed out of the room and Lapis was left Garnet who was still holding her tightly, the sheets of her bed wrapped around her right wrist which she had slashed open with the broken vase shards. She hadn't even remembered doing so.

"Garnet, I…" she whispered, pain laced her voice and she struggled not to go under.

"You don't need to explain...we all know what happened," Garnet whispered gently and Lapis felt the older woman tightened her grip on her.

"No you don't understand, it's my fault...I shouldn't have let him...I shouldn't have...I'm a monster, Jasper was right...and now...now she's…" Lapis choked and Garnet shook her head.

"We know what you did Lapis," the woman said her voice strong. She pulled Lapis away for and Lapis found herself staring at a pair of red and blue eyes. "But we are still here."

"You got to stay here Lapis, you cannot give up on us like this. You were going good, you were opening up...you cannot sink again, I won't let you, neither would Pearl, nor Amethyst, Greg or Steven. We're family"

Family, again with that word. Loosely throwing it around, using it on her of all people. Why would they do that? They knew her past, they knew what she had done and yet they called her family. Why don't they kick her out? Why didn't they do the same as her relatives before? Didn't they know how much it hurt?

"I know you don't feel that way about us," Garnet whispered, her arms tensing around Lapis's, "But trust me, it does get better and we will be here, no matter where you choose to go."

Lapis took in a sharp breath, Garnet's words brought no comfort but they do not hurt. She could see the worry in the woman's eyes, could feel the slashes on her wrists, the smell of blood thick in the room. She could feel the panic coming back and she motioned for the pills sitting on the table.

"I think...I'm sorry...," she stuttered. Words were hard. She had no idea what to say. Garnet gave her a gentle smile before reaching for the pills never once letting go of Lapis's slashed wrist.

"Here," Garnet handed the pills to her and she took them, wincing slightly from the pain and the bitter taste. She felt tired and her eyes closed.

Gentle hands stroked her forehead and she gave a shuddering sigh. Garnet was humming a strange soft tune, the words unrecognizable but it put her at ease. "I'm sorry," Lapis whispered before drifting into a deep sleep.

The last thing she thought about was a girl with long orange hair.

"I'm sorry...Jasper."


	2. Trying

**Hello, this is the author. It has been a long time since I wrote fanfiction and I'm still a little rusty. English is not my first language so if you see any grammatical or phrasing errors, please don't hesitate to tell me. It's also my first time trying to write a slice of life romance story so bear with me :D, I don't know if I'm doing it right. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**P.S. A dollar for everyone who can guess the race of each of the characters :D **

**Chapter 2**

**Trying**

"Amethyst, hey Amethyst…" Peridot called out to the purple-haired who seemed lost in thought.

"Check out this new gamepad, I finally managed to fix it up, and if we hook it to the television it'll run in all hundred and eighty p's!" She waved the pad in front of the other girl's face, a bright smile on her face. She had spent all morning fixing it up and wanted to brag but her enthusiasm died when she saw the pensive look on Amethyst's face.

"Hey...HEY!" Peridot smacked the girl when she didn't respond and Amethyst gave her an annoyed glare. "What!" she snapped.

"What's wrong, your sulking, I hate it when you sulk. Come on what's wrong? Did garnet eat your ice cream? Is Pearl being a jerk again? You feeling ok?"

"Leave me alone Peridot."

"Uh-nuh, I came all the way here excited to play on this new baby," Peridot said, waving the pad around, "With my best friend and I'm not leaving until she tells me what's wrong."

"It's just...stuff ok…" Amethyst muttered.

"What stuff? Come on you can't just say that and think I'll be ok with it."

"Look, Peri, I know you want to know but I can't tell-"

"Yes you can, I'm here, I'm willing to listen. So tell me you clod or I'll start beating it out of you."

Amethyst snorted pushing Peridot. "Yeah sure, you beat me, I'll wonder who would win."

"Hey, I have you know I'm really strong."

"Yeah, yeah like you imaginary magnetic powers."

"You promised not to bring that up!" Peridot snapped.

Amethyst smirked, "What? What up? Oh, you mean the time where you were Peridot the Great Xenophora Darkness 2?"

"I'm going to kill you Amethyst."

The girl chuckled before looking away. "It's the new girl," she whispered and Peridot recalled the blue-haired girl from before.

"Yeah what about her?"

"You promise you won't tell Garnet or Pearl that I told you?"

"The cake is a lie."

"I hate it when you nerd out on me."

"You've played it you know what it means."

"You're using it wrong."

"Ah, ok, fine, I won't tell. You happy?"

Amethyst glanced at her for a moment before sighing.

"Lappy...I mean Lapis...she tried to off herself."

"WHAT!?"

"Shush!" Amethyst seethes, placing a hand over Peridot's mouth. "Look you can't tell anybody, you got that."

Shocked, that was how Peridot felt. Sure she heard of suicide but she had never experienced it before. Feeling a little sick, Peridot slowly sat next to Amethyst who looked at her carefully.

"Why did she do it?"

"Lapis...she's not doing too great. You know my story...I was abandoned by my parents when I was a baby, lucky for me Pearl found me and I was raised here in the Crystal Gems. Well, Lapis wasn't as lucky."

Peridot nodded. She had heard of this before. Amethyst had told her a few years back while they were getting along. Peridot had been alone that time and when she heard about the crystal gems she had been skeptical. A place where everyone was welcomed and treated with kindness. Clearly, such people would not exist. However, here she was now, with Amethyst, welcomed by the people in this household.

She shook her head. She would not think about this now, there were more pressing issues. "Is she...is she ok?" Peridot asked and Amethyst sighed. "I don't know...to be honest I'm angry."

"I'm angry that she did this to us. I'm angry that she made Steven cry. I'm angry that she tried to leave us. I'm angry that she didn't even try...but...when I think about the things she went through I…"

"What happened to her?"

Amethyst paused and Peridot was suddenly afraid. She remembered those blue eyes, those eyes that seemed to carry so much pain that it physically ached.

"I don't know the full story...but from the bits and pieces I've heard...she had been captured and trapped for weeks in a basement. When the police found her, she had been chained to the wall and was severely malnourished. There had been a death...Lapis wouldn't talk about her."

Peridot gaped at Amethyst. "She had been abused, physically and sexually. I didn't get all the details but the guy that did it used to be a drug addict."

"That fucking scumbag," Peridot seethes, anger suddenly breaking through."How could he! He will pay for this."

"Relax Perry, he's gone...he won't be bothering anyone for a while."

"What do you mean gone?"

"Lapis...she...killed him."

"What?"

"And that is for her to tell." a voice interrupted them and Amethyst jumped. Garnet stepped in her eyes severe and Amethyst shrunk back hiding behind Peridot. Peridot gulped as the tall black woman glared at them.

"You know we don't talk until Lapis is comfortable. Respect; Amethyst!" she scolded.

"But...but its Peridot. She's like family."

Garnet sighed, "Yes she is but this is private Amethyst, its private to Lapis and you can't go sharing it around like that. It's for Lapis to tell, not you."

"It's not her fault," Peridot interrupted. "I wanted to know...I was worried, Amethyst was worried."

For all the time Peridot had known her, Garnet has always been strong. The black woman had always carried a steady smile on her face. She stood tall, always exuded an aura of stability and warmth but today she was different. Her usually neat squarish cut hair was in a mess. There were eyebags beneath her eyes and she looked haggard like she was about to collapse.

"Lapis will be ok," Garnet said, a faraway look in her gaze. "But in here…" she pointed to her chest, "There's a long way to go."

"Why...why did she do it?" Amethyst whispered finally coming out from her hiding space and Garnet gave a sad smile. "Why don't you ask her?"

A figure appeared behind Garnet, adorned in the usual black hoodie. Pearl was beside her supporting the girl's weight. Amethyst rushed forward about to hug the girl but Garnet stopped her, shaking her head.

"Lapis...hey Lapis you ok?"

Peridot gulped as the girl glanced towards their direction. She was, as usual, expressionless and when her gaze met Peridot's she turned away, an annoyed expression passing her face. "I'm fine...we're all fine. You happy now." Lapis answered, her voice low filled with quiet anger.

"You need some rest Lapis, why don't you get some sleep. We'll wake you up later for dinner." Pearl interrupted and Lapis turned away from them. "Yeah, sure."

"Lapis...wait, you can't just-" Amethyst started but Garnet stopped her with a warning glare. Peridot could feel her friend seething, her anger taking over and if nothing was done something bad was going to happen.

"Hey, hey Amethyst," Peridot pulled Amethyst, "Let's go play some Mario cart ok, come on I've been waiting to show you this new move."

"Lapis!" Amethyst shouted and the girl who had been walking up the stairs paused. "Steven was crying! Garnet and Pearl look like they haven't slept all night. Greg had to pay for your hospital bill and you won't even give us an explanation! Why did you do it!? Do you know how worried we all were!"

Her outburst cut through the air thick with tension and Peridot paused. She had never seen the Crystal Gems so tensed before. She turned to look at the girl, her hood pulled up, her expression hidden.

A bitter laugh cut through the silence. "Why? Because you're family? Don't kid yourself." the girl snorted, "Look at us, an abandoned baby, an overly obsessed freak, a homeless runaway, and a monster...some family we'll make."

Before Peridot could stop her, Amethyst had rushed forward. Pearl shouted a warning and Garnet tried to stop her, but it was too late. Amethyst had snapped, grabbing the collar of Lapis's hoodie pulling the taller girl forward. "Want to say that again," she seethes. "Everything was fine! We were fine until you came!"

There was a resounding smack and Peridot could only watch in shock as Amethyst fell backward touching her left cheek. Pearl had slapped her, anger etched in her face. "Amethyst take that back, that is not true, that is not how you treat guests!"

"Pearl…" Garnet groaned and Lapis smirked. "Guests...huh."

Realizing her mistake, Pearl clapped her hands over her mouth. "Oh, Lapis...no that was not what I meant...it's a force of habit...please."

The silence was interrupted with doors slamming and Peridot found her purple-haired friend running with tears in her eyes. "No...no Amethyst!" Pearl panicked and gave chase.

"Stay here," Garnet told Peridot before looking at Lapis. She seemed to want to say something but instead followed Pearl, the door swinging shut.

Tension raised to an all-new high as Peridot stared at the girl at the stairs, she was just standing there, her back facing Peridot. She had never dealt with this before. What should she say? What should she do? Glancing at the gamepad that was still in her hands an idea popped into her head.

"Erm...Lapis...want to watch camp pining hearts?"

As soon as the words left her lips Peridot wanted to kill herself right there and then.

"You stupid clod, you ruined it. You made it worse!" she muttered to herself rubbing her head in panic.

"No." the girl replied, the harshness in her voice had vanished and it was replaced with emptiness.

"Lapis...Lazuli?" Peridot started.

"I'm fine you can go home now."

"No, Garnet told me to stay and I'm not leaving you alone not after that." Peridot snapped.

"Look, Perry was it, just leave me alone."

Peridot gulped taking a step towards the girl. "No," she said mustering her courage. "I'm angry, you just hurt my best friend and her family who have done nothing but be nice to you but...but even then, I can't leave you alone."

"Just-"

Peridot hesitated but cut her off, she had to do this, for Garnet, for Pearl, and Amethyst.

"Look I know, you want to be left alone, but Garnet put me in charge and when Peridot's in charge she will complete any mission given to her. So when I say I'm not leaving you alone, I'm not, you clod!"

"Idiots," the girl whispered, the anger returning to her voice.

"What did you say?"

"Idiots all of you, fucking idiots!"

Lapis stormed up the stairs and before Peridot could reach her she had slammed the door to her room shut and there was a click.

"Hey! That's not fair! Let me in!"

"Leave. Me. Alone."

"No!"

And Peridot did what she did best...she began to pester, knocking on the door in repetitive successions. "I have you know I won't stop. Get out of there!"

An hour later Peridot was still knocking refusing to stop. Peridot knew it could be annoying but she was stubborn and when she set her mind to it she didn't give up easily. It was a strength and also a weakness. It was because of this trait that she didn't make many friends and was mostly a loner in school.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" the door swung open.

Peridot smirked. Well...at least it was working. For once, she was glad of her accursed trait. If anything, it could prove useful dealing with this girl.

* * *

One minute she had been shouting and the next Peridot's gamepad was on the floor, the screen cracking from the impact. She had thrown it when the girl forced it into her hands, talking excitedly about the new game she had been playing.

Peridot, the short girl with the sparkling green eyes and messy blonde hair had been relentless. Not once backing down. Lapis had yearned to be alone after her outburst. She hadn't meant to say those words to Amethyst but she did so anyway.

Cause you're destructive.

And when Pearl had called her "guests", Lapis had felt relieved, relieved that they didn't accept her. She couldn't hurt them that way but apparently, it did and now she was alone.

She had wanted to be alone...wanted to finish the job she started but this girl, this abomination was not leaving her alone.

Not giving her a chance to rest, Peridot had pushed through, her energy abundant. Pain became annoyance and frustration...and then anger.

The cracked pad laid on the ground and then silence. Lapis watched as the girl bend over to pick it from the floor. Good, now she'll leave her alone.

She turned ready to leave for her room when a small scared voice sounded.

"Lapis…" Steven whispered, "Are you ok? What's going on?"

"Steven." Lapis and Peridot greeted at the same time. The boy had tears in his eyes as he lunges forward crashing into Lapis and she fell backward wincing as she hit the ground. "Are you ok? Oh my god, I was so worried."

The boy wrapped his hands around her and Lapis felt the emotions rushing back in. She wanted to run but then Steven held her tighter. The boy sobbed in her arms and Lapis was lost for words, barely noticing Peridot hiding the broken gamepad away and walking towards them.

"She's ok Steven," the shorter girl sat cross-legged beside then, a nervous smile on her lips. "Yeah," Lapis whispered finally finding the words.

"Really? Dad said it was bad...Dad told me to leave you alone for a while...but I can't I just-"

"It's ok Steven," Lapis replied, she ruffled her fingers through his curly black hair and he grabs her hands turning it over inspecting her bandaged wrist. She was mortified at first but then tears from his eyes spilled down landing on the bandage soaking through and he held her hand tighter. The ache in her chest was growing.

"Don't do it again Lapis." His grip tightening around her wrist. They stayed that way for what felt like an eternity and soon he was snoring, his head resting on her chest, his arms wrapped loosely around her. Occasionally a frown would appear on his lips and he would whimper. She had affected him, that much was certain, but he did not leave and it was new.

"Why?" she whispered, letting out a long shuddering breath, her throat constricting. "Why are you still here?"

"Because he loves you," Peridot answered and Lapis gasps. She had forgotten about the girl's presence. A crooked grin was plastered on the girl's face, her eyes peering down at Lapis's ones. They were green, really green, like emeralds, sparkling slightly. Peridot stood, rubbing the back of her head, ruffling her fingers through the mess of blonde scruffy hair.

"Why you might ask? Why would random strangers treat me with such kindness? You've done nothing to deserve it so why are they here." Peridot continued, she paused then turned. "But that's just who they are, just trust them ok Lapis. I know we got off to a bad start, but it's the Crystal Gems and they are different. I know I've been there. Give them a try."

Lapis felt her lips quiver and she looked away from the girl's piercing gaze. "Leave me alone," she muttered. She hadn't meant to say it but the girl had hit a nail, sounding out her thoughts perfectly. She heard the girl sigh.

"I told you already didn't I," Peridot replied, moving closer before sitting beside her, "I'm not leaving."

"You are annoying," Lapis grumbled and the girl chuckled. "I guess you can say that."

And they sat there, Peridot eventually drifting into sleep, her head resting on Lapis's shoulder, Steven snoring slightly in her arms. The darkness of the night creeping in, eventually, it was dark out. Lapis had always hated the dark, it was cold and it was unforgiving and try as she might she could not forget but here she was now...in the dark and yet…

"I'm not afraid," she whispered.

* * *

Garnet came back first, then Pearl followed by Amethyst. They had found Steven in Lapis's arms and they had apologized. Pearl went first. "I'm sorry," she had said, "Sometimes I slip up, Rose has called all the rescues guests, guests that must be treated right...and I guess it stuck. A force of habit."

The older woman had been nervous when she approached Lapis, uncertainty in her eyes. "I know you think you're not welcomed here...but that is not true. I'm sorry if I hurt you...if we hurt you, but-"

"Pearl," Lapis interrupted, "It's fine. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said those things. I was wrong."

They had been worried about her. Steven had been crying, he had been whimpering in his dreams calling out her name more than a couple of times and that alone was enough. She knew what she wanted to do.

"I'll try," she forced the words out. It felt foreign on her tongue and she was scared of the consequences and yet she continued.

"Oh Lapis," Pearl whispered, tears in her eyes and a bright smile on her lips. She pulled Lapis in for a gentle hug. Garnet resting a hand on her shoulder and Amethyst standing close by. The purple head was pouting but there was a blush on her cheek. "I'm sorry too." she grumbled, "I overreacted...I shouldn't have."

Lapis smirked, "It's ok, you never had manners anyway, " she joked and Amethyst frowned. "Keep this up and I'll never cook for you." she retorted, glaring at Lapis.

"You can cook? All you do it eat!" A confused look on Pearl's face.

Lapis watched as Amethyst turned red and for some odd reason found laughter bubbling up from within her.

"See," Garnet smiled gently, pulling her into a hug, "You're ok."

You monster, you don't deserve-

"Yeah," Lapis silencing the voice in her head, squeezing her eyes tight.

They had pizza that day. Greg bringing them out to a fancy Italian restaurant located on a dock next to the ocean. They drank and ate and the day became easy again. It was becoming her new normal and Lapis took it all in, treasuring it, making sure to relax. They ordered Hawaiin, a first for her. She decided then that she did like pineapple only when cooked though she was not quite sure how to feel about the juice though. Dinner continued with warm laughter and easy conversations, then it was night they went back home and Steven came over to sleep beside her.

The darkness became bearable again and for the first time, she slept without dreams.

The days moved forward, the incident behind them. The school called and Lapis was accepted. They had driven to the mall. " You need appropriate clothing," Pearl commented.

Amethyst tagged along quoting, "If I don't, Pearl's going to stuff you in a checkered skirt and white blouse."

None of which sounded appealing and Lapis allowed Amethyst to help her choose. They settled on a few black hoodies, tank tops, and shirts. They bought a few jeans and skirts, then shoes. "Sneakers," Pearl said, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"Hey, it's the fashion now!" Amethyst insisted.

"How are they fashion...they look like-"

"It's cool," Lapis picked up a black shoe with blue stripes streaking across them. Pearl sighed, grumbling about teenagers and how she used to be cool back in the day. Amethyst high fived Lapis and they proceeded to buy some more. Amethyst buying a pair of white ones and Lapis adding some sandals to the mix.

Peridot was there when they got back as usual. The girl was a constant in the Gem's household and Lapis had wondered why she had never noticed the pesky girl before. Peridot was loud had a huge ego, thought the world revolved around her and called Steven her loyal subject. She was everything Lapis hated but for some reason, she could not.

She excused herself when Peridot invited Amethyst and Steven to join her for a rerun of camp pining hearts. She, of course, had asked her again but Lapis declined. Lapis knew Peridot was disappointed but she was not ready, and Peridot never forced. "Ok, I'll wait." the girl would always say and as usual Lapis would proceed to her room.

She was tired constantly and needed to sleep. Sometimes the thoughts would come racing back and she would find Pearl or Garnet beside her, holding her as she drifted off into sleep again. She felt guilty, she knew she deprived them of their rest.

"Sorry," she had whispered.

Garnet had hugged her and Pearl ruffling her fingers through Lapis's hair. "It's ok," Garnet told her. "We're here Lapis."

They should not be here, she was not that important, but they still came.

One day she had made the mistake of calling Pearl, mom. It had been a peaceful sunny afternoon and Pearl had been hanging the laundry. The woman wore a sundress and had asked for Lapis help. They had talked and it was warm, even nostalgic possessing a dream-like quality. Lapis had remembered the old days, in the white house surrounded by a picket fence. The face of a woman who held her while humming a soft comforting tune.

Pearl flipped the sheets over the clothing line, the sea breeze rushing through it, her silhouette behind the white bedsheets and Lapis spoke, memories mixing with reality. "Mãe." She called out to Pearl.

There had been silence at first and then the woman gushed. Pearl proceeded to retell the incident at dinner. It had been embarrassing and Lapis had to bear with Amethyst constant teasing after that.

School day came and Garnet fetched them, Amethyst leading her to the office. Later Lapis found herself awkwardly staring at a bunch of kids her age. Peridot was waving at her excitedly at the corner of the classroom and Amethyst was chuckling at the girl's antics. "Hey, Lapis, hey!" Peridot's enthusiasm was embarrassing and Lapis could only pretend that she did not know the girl as she gave her introductions.

The days passed quickly and Lapis found her life turning into an easy routine. School was a breeze, the pressure of tests and exams easier than her life before and she found herself passing with flying colors. It wasn't easy for Amethyst though as the girl always found new ways to fail. Peridot was smart but she was annoying, constantly bragging about her grades. Lapis had noticed that the girl wasn't really well-liked and most of the kids moved out of the way when she was involved, often sniggering when Peridot made a remark. Sometimes whispering meanly behind her back, but Peridot seemed not to care and continued with her antics.

For some reason, Lapis did not like it. She did not like the way Peridot was being treated. Couldn't stand how oblivious the girl was of her plight. And then one day, she saw it.

Peridot surrounded by a bunch of kids much taller than she was. There was a bruise on her cheek, her spectacles on the ground cracked. A boy was holding onto her hair, a sick grin on his face. "Perry, Perry, Perry when will you ever learn?" he sneered, "I told you I need the money and what did you say?"

The few kids beside him cheered him on as he raised another fist ready to hit the girl. Her body moved involuntarily and before she knew what she was doing Lapis was standing in front of Peridot, her hands clenched into fists, the boy on the floor. She had smacked him hard and it had taken him by surprise. "What the fuck!?"

Quickly, before he could get up she kicked him and he fell over. "You leave her alone," she said her voice dangerously low. "You don't know who you're messing with." She raised her feet and slammed it down over his legs and the boy shouted in pain whimpering. One of his lackeys burst forward and was about to hit her but she caught him. He was weak and she twisted his arm easily. There was silence and then a snap. He cried out, collapsing on the ground, holding onto his broken arm. "What...what have you done! You jerk!" the boy who had been bullying Peridot shouted, he scrambled up when Lapis glared at him and he began to run, the others following him.

She watched them leave before sighing, her fist unclenching. She heard a gasp and she turned slowly. Peridot was leaning on the wall, her hands cupping her injured cheeks.

"Peridot," Lapis started and the girl looked at her, "Are you ok?"

A huge grin appeared on the shorter girl's face. Her green eyes sparkling. Lapis gulped, her face feeling hot for some reason.

"Yeah I'm fine, thank you Lapis," Peridot replied. Lapis turned away. Her body had reacted on its own. She did not know what brought it on but seeing shorter girl surrounded and being beaten had made her furious.

"Does this happen often?"

"No, not all the time. Its been getting better, Amethyst and Garnet helped me once. They stopped some time ago, but...I guess sometimes they just need someone to pick on."

"What!?"

"I make an easy target," Peridot stated matter of factly, her voice taking on a mechanical quality as she recounted everything that had been done to her. Shoes were thrown into the lake, money taken, forced out of her, beaten when she refused. Graffiti on her desk, gossip whispered behind her back...the list went on and Lapis felt her chest constrict.

When Peridot was done, she turned to Lapis a sad smile on her lips. "But that does not define me, so don't take pity on me."

Pity...she went through all that and she thought Lapis pitied her.

"Aren't you scared?" Lapis blurted out unable to stop herself. Peridot glanced at her carefully, before bending down picking up her cracked spectacles and putting it on.

"Of course I am," she replied, "But what good would it be if I ran away? Besides one day I'll be towering over those idiots, I'll be richer than any of them and they'll be sorry!"

The girl ranted on, talking animatedly, the incident she had been through seemingly forgotten. A strange feeling swelled in Lapis's chest as she watched the girl. Here she was beaten, surrounded by guys much taller and stronger than her and she was still standing.

What good would it be if I ran away?

Lapis started to chuckle, a small smile forming on her lips. Since the day she had met her, Peridot has been an enigma, not backing down when she received a cold shoulder, constantly bothering her but not forcing her, and despite how Lapis had lashed out, hurting her in the process, Peridot wasn't scared. She was like an annoying bee that she could not avoid.

"Anyway you're pretty strong aren't you, Lapis. You were so cool like some hero from a Japanese manga. You should be my bodyguard, you could protect me."

An idiot, Lapis thought, but a brave one.

"Hmm...no," Lapis replied and Peridot sighed. She went on about friendship and cooperation, about animal species that benefited from each other just by existing together.

Listening to her talk and walking beside Peridot was a whole new experience. The girl was an enigma, spewing out words like a garden hose. Her ideas were ridiculous but interesting and Lapis felt at peace.

"Lapis, hey, Lapis you listening to me?" The girl interrupted her thoughts.

"Not really," Lapis joked and the girl frowned.

"I asked if you would like to watch camp pining hearts with me?"

Lapis had turned her down many times before, and frankly watching television shows was something she had no interest in, but somehow Peridot's enthusiasm got to her and she felt herself wanting to change. She paused for a moment before shrugging. "Sure…"

"Oh! Oh! Finally! Trust me Lapis you won't regret this, we're going to have so much fun. Maybe I'll invite Steven ..."

Lapis smiled watching the girl bouncing excitedly in front of her. Somehow, she didn't think she'll regret this either.

For the first time, Lapis found herself looking forward to something.

* * *

It was late evening when Peridot came over. The sky had turned into a deep orange which cast long shadows on the wooden floors.

Steven was behind her carrying an awful lot of things. When Lapis questioned him, he told her it had been crucial television stuff.

"How long is this going to be?" Lapis asked suddenly the idea of watching not so appealing anymore.

Peridot sniggered before pulling out five DVDs from the bag she had been carrying. "All the seasons!"

"One episode," Lapis interrupted and there was a pause.

"But...but you said-"

"One episode Peridot."

"Aw, I thought this was going to be a marathon!" Steven whined.

"Don't worry Steven she'll see the light."

"One episode."

"That's what they all say," Peridot muttered. She opened the case of season one and popped the disk into the DVD player. She then settled beside Lapis on the bean bags that were laid haphazardly on the floor.

The show started and Peridot was grinning excitedly at Lapis who frowned, feeling rather uncomfortable.

"You going to watch the show or not?" She snapped.

"Ok, ok I just wanna see your reaction, it's not every day I convert somebody."

"I will not be converted."

"I don't know Lapis, the show pretty good." Steven butted in, munching on the popcorn loudly.

"Not you too Steven."

"Wa ha ha, just you wait, Lapis," Peridot exclaimed and Lapis rolled her eyes.

The theme song started, a cheesy song about friendship and love. The tune though was catchy and as the characters flashed across the screen Lapis felt her interest peeking.

An episode turned into two then to five and then ten. Soon it was dark out when Pearl arrived home. She carried the groceries into the kitchen which overlooked the living room. Walking in the older woman chuckled. There, seated on the floor were the sleeping forms of both Steven and Peridot. The theme of camp pining hearts playing softly on the tv.

"I thought you hated tv?" Pearl teased and she watched amused as Lapis blushed, a sheepish look on her face.

Busted…

"Well~"

Lapis glared at Pearl then at Peridot's sleeping form.

"It's her fault! How am I supposed to know how good it was."

Laughter escaped Pearl's lips and it woke Steven and Peridot. They caught Lapis holding onto to season 2's disk and Peridot started ranting about the show's positive qualities. Lapis had almost flung the disk away but as the night wore on with Pearl joining in mid-way, Lapis embarrassment wore off and she found herself genuinely enjoying the show.

"I see a convert," Amethyst said later, having arrived home in the wee hours of the morning, smelling of sweat and booze. She had found Lapis glued to the tv, Pearl, Steven, and Peridot sleeping comfortably on the floor.

"Rough night?" Lapis retorted.

"Goodnight Greg took me to a rock concert."

"Yeah, yeah…"

"So let me guess...Percy huh?" Amethyst teased, pointing at the boy character that Lapis had been staring intently at. "He caught your heart?"

Lapis snorted, "No, you did," she said sarcastically.

Amethyst gagged before sniggering. "Admit it you love the show."

"So what if I do?"

"Hmm, nothing wrong I guess...glad you're opening up Lapis."

The sincerity in Amethyst's voice was unmistakable and Lapis had to turn away, a smile breaking out.

She was, but she was not going to admit it.


	3. Falling

This chapter is a little bit different from the other ones :D Hope you enjoy it. Mary is an OC, she doesn't play a big part so no worries.

**Chapter 3**

**Falling**

The shirts came first, then the figurines. Soon they were discussing the show and then the fan fictions came next. Peridot did most of the writing, Lapis just injected a few ideas here and there. Camp Pining Hearts became something they did together. Steven had called it their thing. Lapis was warming up to the girl and found herself being pulled into her various antics.

First were the video games which Lapis soon found she had no aptitude for. After being teased ample times by Amethyst and laughed at by Peridot, she gave up. Lapis much rather watch Peridot playing them. The girl was good dodging enemies that came her way with expert ease. She moved like a pro in games but not much in physical activities. She was so bad she was often last in class when it came to running or sports in general. Lapis got sports, she was one of the lucky few who could learn how to swim or ski in a matter of minutes. Therefore it always puzzled her to no end how Peridot could land flat on her face doing a simple activity like sit-ups. Lapis has lost count of the number of times she had brought the girl to the first aid office. Peridot was like a regular there and the nurses had a box of bandages labeled with her name.

Next, it was the experiments. Lapis soon found out that inside the little apartment Peridot resided in were a variety of half-finished side projects. Some amid completion and others...Peridot called them 'In the process of greatness.'

Amethyst had warned Lapis about Peridot's obsession and madness but Lapis had been curious. She soon found herself helping Peridot in her various experiments. For some reason, it had been fun and seeing the girl so passionate about her work, fascinated Lapis.

Today was no different and Lapis found herself staring at a half-completed blender looking fan. "Please tell me...that's not what I think it is," Lapis wrinkled her nose at the burnt smell of sugar that has been splattered around the house.

"Cotton candy, I had a sudden craving for it." Peridot grinned, the front of her alien shirt was covered in brown splotches and there was black oil running down the side of her face. She was carrying a screwdriver in one hand and a hammer in the other. Lapis watched amused as the girl started whacking the old fan with the hammer having no luck with releasing it.

"Let me guess the brown splotches, liquid sugar?" Lapis asked, looking around at the small detached room. A green bed at the side, a small kitchen near the entrance and a bunch of useless machinery littered around. Peridot groaned. "Don't remind me please, it was a stupid mistake."

"It wouldn't be the first time," Lapis said settling down, sitting beside Peridot.

"Are you going to help or are you going to making useless remarks you clod!"

"Aye, you're holding the hammer wrong," Lapis replied, taking the hammer away from Peridot and gave the fan three precise knocks, the screws fell and the metal piece came loose. The fan crumbled and then it collapsed onto the ground. "That is how you do it."

Peridot gaped at her and Lapis pushed the coke can she had bought from the nearby convenience store onto Peridot's cheeks. The girl grimaced at the cold, suddenly irritated. "That took me three hours and you broke it!"

"It was a failed experiment anyway."

"You! How strong are you!? Urgh! Why are you here!?"

"If I remembered precisely you asked me to remind you about the job you had in the evening. Waitressing was it?"

"Wait! What time is it!?"

Lapis pointed to the clock and watched as panic emerged on Peridot's face. "You clod! Why didn't you tell me earlier!"

The girl rushed into the bathroom and Lapis had to turn away when the girl started to strip. For some reason, Lapis felt her heart beating faster and she gulped. The girl emerged dressed in a maid costume and Lapis glanced at it for a moment.

"What!"

"What in heaven's name...a maid?"

"What else?! Now stop stalling I need to be there by 6 pm."

"You want me to follow?" Lapis asked raising her eyebrows.

"Yes, why else would I have asked you to come over you clod."

Lapis sighed, "I thought you wanted to do the usual, camp pining hearts marathon."

"Lapis, I swear you are obsessed with that show."

"I'm not the one with the life-size cut out of Percy," Lapis retorted pointing at the cut out that was staring down at the corner of the room. Percy's signature smile and his gleaming chestnut eyes staring down at them. It was badly damaged and half of his hair was gone, his once pale face was covered in brown splotches and black oil.

"You should throw it out," Lapis muttered.

"No, not the great Percy. Do you know how much effort it took to lug it back home from the comic convention last year."

"Peridot...you are insane."

"I'm not arguing with you, clod, I need to go. Let's go!"

An hour later, Lapis found herself in a different dimension. She was seated by a round table watching as a bunch of girls dressed in maid costume pranced around. There were countless television screens displayed around the victorian styled cafe. Brown tables and green leather chairs were lined up neatly and a small counter was by the side. Japanese animation spewing out the latest shows were streaming out of the television speakers. Lapis was greeted by a particularly rude girl who slammed her menu on the table and proceeded to insult Lapis. Dumbfounded Lapis had sat, ordering an ice lemon tea with earl grey cake set. Ten minutes later, the same waitress appeared acting all cute and sweet. She blushed furiously and handed Lapis her order.

Thoroughly confused Lapis signaled for Peridot to come over. The girl had her messy blonde hair combed back, her spectacles sat neatly on her freckled tanned face. Her black skirt so short Lapis could almost see polka-dotted underwear.

"Yes, master?" Peridot asked, smirking at Lapis.

"I don't understand the concept," Lapis muttered, "What are these? What is she?"

"Oh Mary, she plays the tsundere."

"Tsunde-what?"

"Tsundere, a person who appears to be all tough on the outside but super sweet on the inside. Looks like I got to introduce you to anime."

"How is this even a thing?"

"I see you lack class," Peridot snorted.

"This is supposed to be classy?" Lapis cringed as an overweight guy started dancing to a peppy tune that was coming out of the television.

"Yes, it is all part of the nerd culture! Anime! Games! Long-running series! Lapis, admit it, you enjoy this!"

"In what way do I enjoy getting scolded by a person I paid my services for?"

"I see you looking at the skirts, Lapis, couldn't keep your eyes off our legs couldn't you?"

"What-no!" Lapis spluttered as Peridot pranced around her laughing. She felt her face going red as Peridot neared her, her green eyes staring mischievously into hers. "I saw you looking at the manga, you know you want too, you just have to let yourself go."

"And become that," Lapis narrowed her eyes at the overweight man who was now spinning furiously around one of the waitresses. "No thanks."

"Lapis, you are such a tsundere."

"Ok stop it."

Peridot giggled as she placed a small comic book on the table. There was a man on it dressed in a strange Japanese costume, he had blue hair and silver eyes. "Tell me when you're done."

"Peridot take it back."

But before she could give the manga back, Peridot was gone serving another customer with that fake accent and sickly sweet smile. Lapis sighed sinking into the chair before glancing at the manga over. Well… trying didn't hurt...and...Peridot said it was good so why not.

Two hours later, Lapis was devouring the manga, a pile of it laid on her table and she chuckled at a scene. It had been strange but the manga had been good, so good in fact that Lapis was slowly becoming interested.

She placed the small book down and found Peridot giggling with some of the waitresses. The girl looked like she belonged there and she seemed comfortable. In school, Peridot eyes were dull and she always walked with heavy steps, here, she was alive, a spark in her eyes. Lapis liked that spark and it was what drew her to the girl in the first place.

She watched as Peridot laughed, watched as she served the customers, watched as she twirled around doing some actions with her hands from an anime that was showing on the television. Warmth spreads through Lapis when she gazed at Peridot.

With Peridot, Lapis could forget. The girl had kept her occupied and her various antics made the days fun. Slowly, just hanging out with Peridot became her new normal and she had not minded the fact. Peridot had introduced her to so many things, opened up her world and Lapis was thoroughly grateful.

"Ah~I know that look," the girl who had served her earlier spoke. Lapis jumped and found red eyes staring into hers. The girl had long chestnut brown hair which curled around the edges. Her skin was pale and she had Asian features.

"Mary at your service," she said and she pointed to Peridot. "Your friend?"

"Aye," Lapis answered uncertainty. Despite the months, she spent with the Crystal Gems, Steven or Peridot, Lapis was still wary of people. She watched as the girl extended her hand. It was a handshake, one she did not want to reciprocate.

"Peridot used to be a regular before I hired her, are you interested in joining?" Mary asked, grinning, before frowning when Lapis did not return the gesture.

"I think I'll pass."

"Hmm...you shy?"

Lapis glanced warily at her open hands and she took it carefully. The girl's hand was cold and she gripped onto Lapis. Lapis winced when she edged closer. Suddenly her red eyes gleaming and Lapis froze. She smelt cigarettes in the girl's breath and then she couldn't breathe.

"**Lapis, you fucking piece of shit! Couldn't you do one thing right!"**

Lapis pulled her hands away and stood up abruptly.

"Erm...you ok?" the girl asked, she approached Lapis and Lapis pushed her away. The girl yelped falling to the floor. She felt trapped, the cafe suddenly becoming smaller. Voices vanished and all she could hear was her heart thumping wildly in her chest.

"Lapis? Lapis!?"

She bounded out of the cafe into the street. It was already evening and the place was more crowded than usual. She had to escape, there were too many people. There was nowhere to go. She started to run not caring about the people she bumped into. Soon, she found herself in a small alley, curled up, her face resting on her knees that were pulled into her chest.

She was struggling to breathe and feeling faint. All around her she heard screams and her name being called over and over again. She felt chains wrapping around her ankles and wrists dragging her down, chapping her skin. She was drowning and she could do nothing to stop it. The memories were coming and she held herself to stop them. If she had let them in, she would die. She was sure of it.

Something touched her shoulder and Lapis felt it burn. She lashed out and found herself staring at a mess of blonde hair and startled green eyes. Peridot was on the ground, Lapis had flung her over and she gasps stepping back, her hands shaking. What the hell was she doing!? She needed to getaway. It was happening again. She was losing control.

"Lapis!" Peridot called out. "Lapis!?"

There was a sharp pain and Lapis could breathe again. Her cheeks were smarting and Peridot was in front of her. She had slapped her across the cheeks. The shorter girl had a worried look on her face and she looked a mess. She was still dressed in her work clothes and the bowties were untied.

"Breathe Lapis!"

Lapis felt her heart rate slowing and soon she collapsed onto the floor, taking in deep breathes. Her hoodie was soaked through and she gritted her teeth. After a moment, shame took over and she buried her face into her knees.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"What are you sorry for?" Peridot asked, genuinely confused. Lapis turned and found green eyes peering into hers. They were so filled with worry and genuine concern that it hurt just to look at them. Lapis had to turn away.

"Is...is she ok?" Lapis asked and Peridot snorted.

"You mean Mary, she's fine. I told her not to bother you but she still did. It's her fault so you shouldn't feel guilty."

"I pushed her Peridot," Lapis snapped, hatred for herself overcoming her. "How are you not angry with me! You could have lost your job!"

"Lapis, look at me."

Something gripped her cheeks and she found herself once again peering into green eyes. Peridot had gotten ahold of her. "I don't care about that. Are you ok? You're more important."

A strange feeling spreads through Lapis and she found herself in Peridot's tight embrace, holding on. They sat there for a moment and when darkness came Lapis fetched Peridot home. It was the first time they had held each other and Peridot's hand had felt good in hers. The voices had vanished after that and Lapis was able to sleep peacefully that night.

The following week, Lapis had mustered up the courage and with Peridot's help apologized to Mary who had laughed. "Don't worry about it," the girl said, "It's already forgotten."

She was used to revenge, of gang fights, of hurt and pain. She was not used to being forgiven and it was all so new to her. She found herself hanging out in the cafe more often after that. Usually fetching Peridot to and from work.

The waitresses soon became her friends and they had giggled when Lapis had gaped at their new uniforms. They were pink and had shorter skirts than the previous uniform. Lapis had disapproved but all thoughts vanished when Peridot walked out.

"So how does she look?" Mary asked smirking and Lapis spluttered. The skirt wrapped around the girl's slender body well. Her petite shape showing through, her thighs and…

"It's ok," she muttered and Mary had burst out laughing.

The weeks went by and soon Lapis had figurines of various anime characters in her room. Amethyst had laughed.

"Nerd," she joked, "You two belong with each other." Lapis ignored her, though a little confused about what she meant. Pearl merely smiled even helping her in building and painting some of the figurines with the paint Steven loaned her. Garnet knowing of Lapis new hobby bought her a bookshelf and soon Lapis found herself delving into the world of manga.

It had been one sunny afternoon when the incident happened. Lapis was, as usual, waiting for Peridot to finish with work. Her head was buried into a rather interesting manga of samurais and sunflowers when she heard glass breaking. She had looked up and found one of the male customers towering over Peridot. Peridot was bent over picking up the broken pieces of glass from the floor, she was apologizing and the man was grinning, a phone in his hand pointed at the girl.

At first, Lapis had been confused as to what he was doing. Then she spotted Peridot's exposed underwear when she bent over and she watched as the man sniggered his phone pointing at Peridot's buttocks.

Lapis had flipped the table, throwing a chair at the guy. There was a crash as the guy was thrown back and he groaned. Lapis picked up the phone from the ground and with all the strength she could muster threw it. There was a crack and the phone broke. The man cried out in anguish and flinched when Lapis approached him. Lifting him with one arm by the collar of his shirt she had thrown him out of the cafe. She was about to hit him again when she was stopped. Two waitresses and Peridot, she realized were holding her back. Even then, they were struggling.

"Get out!" she shouted at the man on the ground who screamed and ran. They dragged her back in and immediately ushered the rest of the customers out, promising free drinks for next times. They closed early and Lapis sat by the corner dazed.

"What...what was that!?" Mary exclaimed Lapis flinched expecting the girl to be angry.

"_**Look at what you've done! You destructive monster!" **_

"I'm sorry," Lapis whispered and was about to leave when she felt herself being surrounded by the waitresses. They all hugged her tightly and she struggled, feeling a little panic.

"You are so cool!"

'Awesome!"

"How strong are you!?"

"It was like a scene from the manga! I can't believe you just threw him!"

Lapis gasps.

"Let her go you clods, your scaring her!" Peridot sounded and they all turned to the girl smirking.

"What!? Why are you staring at me like that! What are you doing!?"

Before Lapis could react, the waitresses had pushed Peridot onto her and they fell to the ground, wincing from the impact. Peridot was on her, straddling her midsection and green eyes peered down at hers. She felt her heart racing and they both yelped. Peridot doing a rather clumsy backward hop and Lapis pulling herself out of Peridot's legs. The waitresses burst out laughing and Peridot had went ballistic.

Mary squatted next to Lapis and flicked a finger into her forehead. "Next time you want to defend your girl try not to break my chair."

"What!?" Lapis could only splutter as the girl sniggered.

"What do you mean?"

Mary's jaw dropped before she shook her head.

"You two are so dense I don't even know what to say."

Lapis frowned and turned back to Peridot who was now pushing the waitresses into each other. The incident from earlier replaying in her mind and she clenched her fist. The outcome had been unexpected, she thought they would run from her. She thought there would be fear but instead, they had thanked her...and even praised her.

A small smile flitted to her lips but it fell as soon as Mary pulled out a bill of a hundred and twenty dollars. "You are going to work your ass off tomorrow for the broken chair."

* * *

Peridot chuckled as Lapis groaned. She was in the kitchen dressed in a chef costume washing the dishes. Mary had forced her to work part-time for a day to pay off her debts and it was not a fun thing to do.

"How is life treating you?" Peridot teased. Annoyed Lapis flicked some soap into her general direction and the girl dodged.

The day wore on and by the end of it, Lapis was exhausted. She found herself in the locker rooms seated slumped on the chair. Peridot laughed at her plight and pinched her cheeks. Somehow they ended up in a scuffle and by the end of it, Lapis had Peridot pinned to the wall. Peridot was small, Lapis noticed, her green eyes behind those glasses green like emeralds, her lips petite and gleaming in the light. She could see tanned smooth skin peeking through the slightly risky maid costume Peridot wore. It was getting a little too hot and Lapis gulped involuntarily. They were both panting from the exertion and they blushed at their closeness. Pulling away from each other, Lapis sat back down on the chair and Peridot did the same carefully.

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Lapis felt Peridot stroking her hair. Surprised she turned to face the girl who had a strange look on her face.

'What?" Lapis had asked and the girl pouted.

"Nothing."

"Peridot what is it?"

Peridot blushed a deep red and Lapis frowned.

"Thank you," the shorter girl spluttered out.

"What for?"

"You know."

"What do you mean?"

"Thank you for saving me you clod!"

There was a pause and Lapis turned away suddenly embarrassed. "Oh," she muttered.

"Oh? That's all you can say? Why did you do it?"

Now it was time for Lapis to blush.

"Lapis?"

"Your skirt, it's too short. I don't like it," she muttered and Peridot chuckled.

"What can't bear to look at my legs? Too hot for you?"

"Oh, gods."

"You can't resist the great Peridot?"

"You mean short."

"Ok, that just hit a nerve."

The two girls glared at each other and they burst out laughing. The situation was suddenly rather ridiculous.

"I can't believe you threw the table."

"Well, that was the easiest object."

"And then the chair?"

"It worked didn't it."

"That is overkill Lapis."

"Why are you doing this job Peridot?" Lapis asked, the words spilling from her lips before she could stop them. "There are going to be more of those dudes and I can't always protect you."

Peridot paused eyeing Lapis carefully and Lapis turned away. She had revealed something that she rather take to her grave. "Forget it, forget I asked," she whispered. She heard the other girl sigh.

"I need the money," the girl muttered, her tone sad. Lapis found Peridot slumped on the table, seemingly exhausted, a wry smile on her face. "My family kicked me out."

It was a huge revelation and it sent Lapis's mind whirling.

"Peridot, I…"

The other girl placed a finger on her lips. "There's that," she said, "You ready to head home, I'm famished and I want to try out Amethyst's newly bought game."

Lapis watched as the girl went back to her usual demur. The sadness buried under her enthusiasm and Lapis smiled, the respect she had for the girl growing. The girl had been kicked out of her family, was bullied extensively in school and was still going, living life to the fullest.

"Peridot."

"Yes?"

"You're really strong."

She watched as the girl spluttered, turning red and Lapis chuckled.

"And Peridot," she continued.

"What!?"

"You're the tsundere."

"Urgh! I shouldn't have introduced you to anime!"

'What and make me miss out on what do you call it 'nerd culture'?" Lapis smirked.

"I take that back, you are not a tsundere you are a huge baka!"

"Peridot, that's the best insult you can think off?"

"You-"

They paused when the door creaked open. Mary and the waitresses collapsed onto the floor in a heap. Sheepish expressions on their face. "What are you doing?" Lapis asked confused. The waitresses looked at each other and then to Peridot who had gone all pink.

"You guys are so dead!" she screamed and she proceeded to chase the giggling girls.

"Erm?"

"Lapis," Mary interrupted and Lapis turned to the smirking girl. "You are really a big baka."

Lapis watched as Peridot threw water at the group of waitresses and she chuckled.

"Maybe, I am."


	4. Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

**Thanks for supporting this story. *Trigger warning ahead, mentions of rape* **

**Chapter 4**

**Two Steps Forward, Three steps back**

Peridot latest obsession was art. They had been scrolling through some old internet videos when Bob Ross had shown up. Three hundred and fifty videos later Peridot and Lapis had a collection of paints and paper at their disposal. Soon, it was sculpturing and Lapis found herself a new hobby.

"And this is called no way out," Peridot presented, showing Steven and Amethyst a mess of wires meshed together with super glue and yesterday newspapers. "It represents how we are all subconsciously sucked into modern technology with no way out of its precarious clutches!"

"I don't see it," Amethyst muttered, clearly unimpressed.

"What about yours Lapis?" Steven asked excitedly and Lapis revealed a smooth round mud ball in her hand.

"Ooo what's that? What does that mean?"

"Mud...I just liked rubbing it." Lapis answered. She hadn't really thought that Art such as these needed meaning. Peridot had insisted that she put some meaning into them but Lapis simply enjoyed the process rather than the end product.

"That's it?" Amethyst snorted.

"You wanna add meaning into this?" Lapis retorted, "Knock yourself out."

"Anyway~" Peridot interrupted. "How do you like my barn?"

"It's pretty nice, Perry," Steven replied, "I love what you have done to it."

"Uahahahaha, Lapis we did it! We have impressed!"

She raised a hand for a high fived, Lapis shrugged before doing the deed. A resounding clap of hands and the company of friends. The barn despite its derelict appearance was beginning to take shape.

The barn or the haunted garbage that Amethyst liked to call it was Peridot's newest madness. The girl had appeared one day with the barn's deed in her hands. Apparently, she had been saving up from the job and bought the barn when the opportunity came. She soon quit much to the dismay of Mary. Peridot promised to visit often and the cafe soon became another one of their hangout points.

"Hey, a future CEO can't stay in that small one-room apartment." Peridot had replied when Lapis had asked her why she did it. Lapis never questioned but she can't say she wasn't curious about Peridot's past.

The girl never talked about her family ever since that night Peridot had dubbed the "Cafe Incident". Lapis knew not to push after all everybody had their own circumstances and she wouldn't have liked it either if Peridot asked about hers.

The barn became Peridot's home and Lapis found herself hanging out with Peridot more often. First, they fixed the rotten walls with wood planks that Greg had donated. They then painted it and it took quite a long time even with the occasional help from Steven and the other Crystal Gems. Then the furniture came next. Peridot couldn't afford the usual kinds so they improvised. They went to the junkyard and brought back an assortment of "garbage."

Lapis had no idea how they did it but now half a truck hung from the front of the barn, an umbrella painstakingly placed on top of it. Peridot had hooked up the tv and Lapis had carried some bean bags and soon the little truck became a tiny movie theater for the both of them.

Since Lapis was spending so much time at the barn, Peridot hooked up a hammock at the side for her. "To sleep, I know how much you like sleeping." the girl told her, smiling, her bright green eyes shining brightly, dimples on the side of her face. For some reason, Lapis felt her heart beating faster and for days after that, she couldn't look at Peridot without wanting to hug the shorter girl.

Hanging out with Peridot was nice. It felt right and somehow it just fit.

"You seem happy," Vidalia had noticed the fourth time she visited. Lapis had failed to hide the smile on her face when Peridot had messaged her a joke she found on Instagram.

"You met somebody?" She smirked and Lapis has tried to deny it but she knew it was fruitless.

"Well I'm glad you met her," Vidalia had smiled, "You're doing better"

The session ended, and Lapis had felt good.

"Hey, Lapis! Hey!" Peridot's voice broke through her daydream and Lapis found herself seated on one of the bean bags on the half hanging truck. "I'm going to the fair with Steven and Amethyst, you want to come along?"

Lapis winced. She did not like the idea of strange crowded places. "No," she replied.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you ok?"

"Yes."

"What season are you watching?"

"Three."

"Peridot let's go!" Amethyst snapped.

"Ok, ok...Lapis!" Peridot shouted, "Take care of our house!"

And with that, the girl was gone. "Our house huh…" Lapis felt her cheeks growing hot, she couldn't help the smile that was breaking out. Something was blooming in her chest, something she had never experienced before. It was a confusing feeling, sometimes it made her belly itch, sometimes it made her chest swell and sometimes it made her unbearably hot. It was all so new, so confusing but it was never painful.

"Idiot," she muttered when she spotted the tie Peridot had been wearing earlier in the bean bag next to her. She took it in her fingers, clutching it tightly, pulling it close to her. It smelt of Peridot and that alone comforted her.

It felt like home.

The realization struck her so hard she dropped the ribbon. Her vision blurred and then she felt fear.

_**Home...this felt like home.**_

_"You're going to destroy it! You always do! When are you going to stop this, I don't need this, we don't need this! Stop it!"_

Lapis gasps, the warmth sucked out of her and she stood up shaking. She could not breathe her heart was pounding hard in her chest. Why now...she was doing so well...what happened? Why was this happening again?!

The voices whispered feverishly in her head. Lapis clenched her hands into fists and began hitting her head. The pain was sharp but it allowed her to focus, it allowed her to think. Soon the voices resided and Lapis collapsed on the bean bag, her hoodie soaked with cold sweat. She was panting taking in one shuddering breath at a time.

She felt like she had just run a marathon and she was exhausted. She closed her eyes, feeling the tears coming. Curling in on herself, a sob escaped Lapis's lips.

When was this going to stop? She thought she was getting better? Why was she so weak...how could such a small thing, trigger her in such a terrifying way?

_"You know why Lapis."_

Lapis shut her eyes, willing for the voice to go away but it didn't. It continued as it always did.

**"You monster."**

* * *

It had been a year since Lapis came and Peridot would never have thought she would care for another human being as much as she cared for Lapis.

The girl was different. She never openly agreed with Peridot's decisions or crazy ideas but she never discouraged them either. Instead, she supported her and sometimes even helped. Amethyst had joked that Lapis was becoming Peridot's little assistant but she didn't feel that way. The girl had protected her from bullies, had saved her from a pervert and had even joined her in her activities. If anything Lapis felt like a partner and Peridot was comfortable around her.

Peridot liked the way she smiled, even the way she challenged her. As much as Peridot hated to admit it, Lapis was pretty smart and her sharp comebacks made conversations fun. It was different with Amethyst. Amethyst is her friend and would always be someone precious but Lapis...Lapis was special and the more Peridot came to understand the girl the more her feelings grew.

One day it hit her. It had been a warm sunny afternoon, Lapis had come over with a few planks of wood. They were fixing up the barn and the wood had been crucial. They took a break for a while in the makeshift pond that Greg and Steven had made two weeks back. Peridot was sitting on a float lazily kicking back on the cool waters while Lapis sat by the edge, her legs dangling in the water. She was wearing her usual black hoodie and blue jean shorts. Lapis was sweating profusely and it stained the front of her hoodie.

"Aren't you hot take that out," Peridot scolded, "You're going to get a heatstroke!"

A look of apprehension passed the girl's face and she glanced at Peridot for a moment. Her azure blue eyes seemingly frightened for some reason but at the same time sad. "I…" Lapis had started but stopped.

The girl was rarely at a loss for words and when she was Peridot usually knew not to push, but Peridot knew her long enough and she understood why the girl wore long black hoodies. She had seen them sometimes, long horizontal marks across her arms and she knew what they were.

"I don't mind Lapis," she whispered gently. Lapis studied her for a moment and something seemed to change between them.

It was their turning point. Lapis lifted her hoodie and discarded it neatly beside her. Beneath it was a white tank top and ugly scars ran down the back of her neck, back, chest. There was not a part of Lapis's body that was untouched and Peridot had to take a moment to compose herself. She could feel anger riding up. The scars on the arms Lapis had done to herself, but those scars on her body they were not natural, somebody had inflicted those scars on Lapis. Peridot swallowed her anger. Lapis didn't need it right now. Not when the girl was wrapping her arms tightly around her body staring at Peridot with wavering blue eyes.

"Don't you feel better," Peridot scooped water from the pond splashing water onto Lapis, and the girl yelped.

It resulted in a water war and soon Peridot and Lapis were drenched from head to toe. They started laughing and afternoon turned to evening. The sky a deep orange purplish hue. Peridot offered Lapis a change of clothes, her favorite black alien T-shirt and some pajama shorts. The girl wore them and Peridot felt her heart catch. Lapis stood in the shadows of the evening sun, her skin glowing, the shirt hugging her slender frame. It complimented her nicely and seeing the girl dressed in her clothes somehow made her happy.

They escaped to the truck lodge in the roof and proceed to watch a season's worth of camp pining heart. The worst season Peridot had complained.

"It's ok." Lapis had countered.

And they had argued. It was well late into the night when they finished and Lapis stood preparing to head back. Her newly bought phone was vibrating in her pocket, Pearl was calling her.

"You're not staying over?" Peridot asked suddenly feeling very lonely.

"Maybe next time," Lapis said and then she noticed it. The bags under Lapis's eyes, the way she was shivering slightly under Peridot's clothing. Her scars were visible on pale skin in the light silver moonlight. The way she held herself, arms taut, wrapping around her body.

The girl was scared...but she was trying to hide it, that much Peridot knew.

"Lapis," Peridot sighed, before she knew what she was doing, Peridot had hugged the taller girl bringing her close. Cold...the girl was freezing...she ran her hands through the scar on the girl's neck and the girl flinched trying to pull away but Peridot held on tighter.

"This does not define you," Peridot muttered. There had been a long pause before something warm rested on Peridot's shoulder, and then she felt it becoming wet. Lapis was quietly crying and Peridot then understood. It had been so simple, it wasn't Quantum physics.

She did not want anything to happen to Lapis. She wanted to protect the girl. She couldn't imagine life without her.

Peridot cared deeply for the girl.

Pearl came by later in her usual pick up van. A questioning look on her face when she found Lapis and Peridot both blushing deeply, seated side by side at the entrance of the half-finished barn. Peridot had whispered her good nights and watched as the van drove off into the distance and then she had felt empty and lonely.

She wanted Lapis to stay but she knew it was impossible. Then she spotted the white tarp sheet that Greg had so generously gave her. An idea popping into her head. She needed to make a hammock.

Lapis came over more often after that and she spent more than a fair share staying overnight, sleeping on the hammock, snoring slightly. Peridot liked watching Lapis sleep. She knew it was a creepy habit but she could not help it. The girl looked peaceful, like a child and it was relaxing. Lapis also dreamt often and sometimes the trashing woke Peridot in her cot. Lapis was always apologetic in the morning but Peridot didn't mind.

Since Lapis was spending so much time in the barn Amethyst gave Peridot the idea of giving Lapis her own key. The purple-haired had found out about Peridot's feelings, which she had unfalteringly tried to deny but failed. Amethyst had been ecstatic and here they were now, at the fair at a locksmith selling his services at discounted prices.

"Do you think she'll accept this?" Peridot muttered staring at the silver key in her hand suddenly nervous for some reason.

"Peridot, listen to me, the girl is practically living at your barn. If anything she likes hanging out with you. She might not admit it to us, but we all know she does. Heck, even Steven knows."

"But don't you think this is too soon? I haven't even told her how I feel?"

"Are you kidding me Peridot?"

"What?"

"Lapis is in-" Amethyst was cut off by a nervously laughing Steven and Peridot frowned. "Lapis is what?" Peridot asked and Steven shook his head.

"Lapis is waiting for us let's get home."

Peridot grumbled, turning away missing the unusual stern look Steven gave to Amethyst who grimaced before nodding.

They arrived back to the barn taking the bus. It was dark when they reached, the silver moonlight casting shadows and light on the grass and trees.

"Ok, we're heading back, good luck!" Amethyst told Peridot who gulped. She watched as Steven and Amethyst disappeared down the open path then turned towards the barn. Where was Lapis?

She proceeded to unlock the front doors with the main key. Lapis wasn't inside. Frowning, Peridot climbed the ladder to the overhanging truck. The television was playing a rerun of season three but Lapis wasn't there either. Peridot felt a strange feeling of dread settling in the pit of her stomach. Something was amiss she could feel it.

"LAPIS!" She shouted. "LAPIS LAZULI WHERE ARE YOU?"

There was no answer, only silence swirling in the dark. Panicking Peridot ran out of the barn looking to the forest, then to the lake than to the roof and then she spotted her, sitting huddled at the edge.

How did she get up there?

"Lapis!" Peridot exclaimed and still, the girl didn't respond. Something was very wrong...she hadn't seen Lapis this distress before. What happened?

She circled the barn and found a few of her junk stacked up messily forming a makeshift staircase to the roof. By the time she made her way up the makeshift staircase, Peridot was exhausted, cursing at her unfit body.

"Lapis?" She called out, after gathering her breath. The girl did not respond and Peridot approached her carefully. The one-time Lapis had gotten like this she had almost thrown Peridot over her shoulder. Peridot did not fancy a reenactment of that, especially not on the roof.

"Lapis talk to me, you got to tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong Peridot," Lapis muttered her voice hoarse. She had been crying that much Peridot knows.

"Don't lie to me Lapis, I know you long enough to know you're not ok."

"Then what do you want me to say!" The girl snapped, she stood up, whirling around to face Peridot. Her eyes were bloodshot and she looked trapped. "That I'm pathetic, that I can't keep it together that I feel like dying every second I breathe?"

Her admission saddened Peridot. She thought Lapis was passed this, she thought Lapis enjoyed being here with her but apparently...she wasn't enough.

"Lapis…" she started, and then she trailed off suddenly at a loss for words. What should she say? What could she say? She thought she was making a difference but it seemed to be falling apart.

The girl standing in front of her blurred and Peridot was surprised to find tears in her own eyes. She was crying...she hadn't cried since that day five years ago…

"It's best if we don't see each other anymore," Lapis whispered

The girl started to walk past her almost reaching the makeshift staircase when Peridot reached out to grab her, holding her tightly around the wrist. "Stop...I didn't mean to cry," she whispered, "Don't leave me Lapis…please." She pleaded her lips wavering. She felt the girl hesitate and Peridot tightened her grip.

"I need you Lapis. You need to speak to me, you need to tell me what's wrong."

"Peridot let me go." The girl replied, her voice stone cold.

"No."

"Peridot, please." Lapis pleaded this time, the pain in her voice unmistakable "I cannot hurt you, I just can't."

"How are you hurting me," Peridot snapped. "You think you're hurting me, but you're not! You are the single best thing that has happened to me since I left home five years ago! Leaving me like this, would!"

She flinched, her past coming back to her but she still held on. She wasn't going to let go something told her not to.

She felt the tension in Lapis's arms disperse and found the girl staring at her eyes wide in surprise. Peridot felt her cheeks flushed. Did she...admit her feelings?

Ugh! She was such a clod!

But there was no turning back now, not when she came so far. "Stay here with me." She finished.

There was silence and Peridot was beginning to think she made the wrong move. She was about to apologize when Lapis's fingers wrapped around hers.

"You idiot," the taller girl whispered, a cloud shifted in the sky and silver moonlight danced on her features making her glow an ethereal blue.

Peridot couldn't control herself, the girl had looked so beautiful, she leaned forward tiptoeing placing her lips to the taller girl's cheeks brushing past slightly.

She heard Lapis gasps, her heart pounding so hard she thought she was having a heart attack.

"What was that," Lapis stuttered a deep blush appearing on her face.

"I don't know," Peridot admitted.

"Oh is that so."

The girl leaned forward and kissed Peridot on the forehead, pulling away flushing so deeply she was all red. Peridot had no doubt she looked the same.

"What was that?" It was Peridot's time to exclaim.

"Payback," Lapis replied, a sad smile plastered on her lips.

They sat on the roof in silence for a long time after that Peridot's hand over Lapis as they stared into the changing night sky. Dawn broke through an orange hue mixed with dark blue forming a saturated purple. Lapis blue hair swirled gently in the morning breeze, her pale face, her deep blue eyes, distant, the color of the ocean. Peridot gulped, Lapis was beautiful. The urge to kiss her was there again but Peridot held back turning away.

What were they? Her grip on Lapis's hands tightened. She wanted so badly to know but seeing Lapis sitting so peacefully beside her, Peridot knew now was not the time to ask.

They will figure it out later, together. Afterall, Lapis was still here.

* * *

What were they? Lapis thought to herself as she watched the shorter girl shifting around the makeshift kitchen, preparing the eggs and bread for breakfast. She watched as the girl smoothly cracked the eggs into a hot pan. Her blonde hair was messy from their night out. Her green eyes sparkling as she lifted the toast from the toaster. Her slightly tan skin, her slender petite body. Her soft lips on skin. The way her baggy clothes hugged around her tiny…

Lapis stopped herself. She couldn't deny it any further. Lapis had been attracted to the shorter girl. She didn't know what this attraction was but ever since saving her from the bullies Lapis had respected Peridot and the girl had continued to surprise her. She remembered her outburst from the night before and she sighed. She could still feel the terror, her form had felt shaky like she would go under but Peridot had held her, and pulled her from the depths.

Peridot plopped the eggs down along with the toast giving Lapis one of her toothy grins. "Behold the best egg sandwich you have ever eaten."

"Just because you followed one Ramsay episode, doesn't make your eggs the best," Lapis stated and the girl pouted.

"Eat before judgment, Lazuli."

"Aye."

And it had been good, the eggs were soft and silky they were smooth and complimented nicely with the slightly burnt toast.

"So?"

"Could have been better," Lapis said, smirking and Peridot smacked her on the back of her head. "You clod, be glad that the great Peridot is even cooking for you. The last time you fried eggs you tried using a blender, how are you going to survive without me."

How did she? Lapis wondered. How did she live her life before Peridot? Did she even deserve this, after all, that she had done?

Lapis paused, she looked at the black shirt Peridot had given her to wear in the morning to replace her dirty hoodie. Her scars showing through the short sleeves. Why would anyone want somebody like her?

She was used to being used and vice versa. But Peridot asked for nothing and all she did was give. A lump formed in Lapis throat. The eggs, toast, the warmth of Peridot's company. Her kindness...it all felt like a dream. A dream too good to be true.

"Lapis, you ok?"

Lapis took in a shuddering breath. "Peridot," determination in her eyes, "promise me, if I ever hurt you in any way, if I ever put you in any danger you would run."

"Lapis you're not going to-"

"Promise me Peridot," Lapis cut her off.

The blonde paused before approaching the sitting Lapis, engulfing her in a hug. Lapis found her face buried in Peridot's chest. The girl smelled of lemongrass and spring, not of cigarettes and beer.

"I promise," Peridot replied softly, "But you gotta promise," she continued, "that you won't leave, not without telling me."

Lapis allowed her to sink into Peridot's embraced the night's events finally catching up to her, she felt immensely tired and her eyes drooped. She allowed herself to drift and she nodded in reply before falling into a deep sleep.

Chains, long metallic chains. They looped like snakes around her wrists, her ankles, and her body. They were pulling her down and she couldn't breathe. Names and faces of the people she had seen die sprung into her mind.

It hurt, it hurt just to breathe.

Jasper had said she was an abomination and maybe she was. Their partnership wasn't an ambivalent one. They used each other as stepping stones for the next step. They had been abandoned, thrown out into the streets and the only way out was to earn a place for them to stay. The girl, Jasper was a taller girl slightly older than Lapis. Despite the skin condition which left white streaks across her brown skin, Jasper had been good looking. With long curly blonde hair which she dyed orange, full lips, and brown chestnut eyes. She could charm anyone she met, a charisma that Lapis did not possess. She was the seller and Lapis the dealer. When the going got tough, Lapis fought. Lapis was strong, it was no surprise though. Before she had been kicked out she had been trained in martial arts, a mixture of Aikido and Muay Thai. Those were the good times and the good times ended when her mother died.

So here she was on the streets, dealing drugs for a gang who called themselves Homeworld. Lapis and Jasper complemented each other in a toxic way. Lapis was cold, aloof and was the only one who was strong enough to handle Jasper who despite her charismatic nature had a terrible temper. Unlike Lapis relatively short-lived happy childhood, Jasper's one had been abusive and Jasper dealt with it by drinking.

Lapis had the scars to prove it. One time it was a knife on her throat and another time cigarettes on skin. Jasper terrified Lapis, but she still stayed. She had no way of leaving, not when she knew the girl for so long. Not when Jasper forced herself onto her. Not when Jasper was the only one she had left.

Their bodies had intertwined. Jasper hitting her, pushing into her, entering her, crying as she did so. Her breath always smelling of booze, always whispering apologies that meant nothing. There had been no consent, it had been excruciating. Jasper was always drunk when it happened. Lapis was strong but the girl was bigger. With her weight, she forced Lapis down with a knife pushing into her neck. Before long, Lapis was on the ground, naked and Jasper was crushing her. Lapis had wanted it to stop but the knife to her throat would not allow it.

When they came too later, Jasper would apologize, she would scream for forgiveness and Lapis would always remain silent, cold as ice. She will not respond. She never did. This would be over Lapis had told herself. Once she had gathered enough, she'll leave this shit hole. She'll leave them all behind. Jasper was the key to her success.

She had used Jasper...and Jasper had used her.

And they had destroyed each other. Greed had consumed them, money blinded them. Lapis thought she could handle it and Jasper had tried to dissuade her.

But they still entered anyway.

_**Malachite.**_

Lapis woke with a start, gasping for air. She looked around and found herself on a bed. Peridot's bed. The girl was beside her, head resting on the pillow, hands wrapped around Lapis's. She was sleeping, snoring gently. Lapis grimaced, leaning back, placing an arm over her eyes.

Her heart was beating fast and it showed no sign of slowing down. She could still feel it. Hands touching her, hurting her, the burns and scars burning on her skin. Phantom pain that she could not forget. Peridot muttered in her sleep interrupting her thoughts, her hands warm in Lapis. Somehow it grounded her.

"I'm not there," Lapis whispered to herself and she repeated it over and over again. Tears rolled down her eyes and she closed it, clutching onto Peridot's hands like it was a lifeline before falling asleep again. This time…there were...

_No dreams._


End file.
